My ocarina

I surround myself with beautiful things- for saving me. All the flat surfaces around me are filled with geodes: I can peek through and see the crystals. I have covered the surfaces with dancing girl orchids, with peacock feathers, a pressed rose from my favorite book – the pages are torn and yellow from time. I have covered the bookshelves and tables with soft little girl and boy toys. You make your own color for those felt toys: pink from strawberries, raspberries; orange from carrots, paprika, sweet potatoes; yellow from saffron, turmeric; green from ‘matcha’, spinach; red from beets, tomatoes; purple from blueberries, purple-sweet potatoes; blue from red cabbage plus baking soda; brown from coffee, tea, cocoa; black from activated charcoal. The kitchen is otherwise a scary place – there are knives in the knife block; there are complaints about the unwashed dishes and dirty kitchen towels; there is the staring of the uncooked meat; and the expectations.

A small thumb piano, a conch, a sand-dollar, shells, Aztec and Inca vessel-flutes cover my flat surfaces. They told me to play a long note with all the holes covered. I should then tilt my fingertips up until I have risen to the top note; it is time to slide down now. People comfort me: I can make bird songs. It is not easy. Humans cannot make bird songs.

When I slide down, I see this woman. She came to my house. Frustrated and flustered, she told me, “I like utilitarian rooms!” She has one calendar hanging from the middle of her sixteen-foot wall. I get it - one needs dates and months.

I wish I could stay in the backroom all day long. But people like sunshine and they go on and about in the sea beaches with their beach-balls – those beach-balls look like the eyes of the men who divorced their wives just on a Christmas morning, amongst all the wrapping papers. I am scared of the wasted time! I am scared of the years spent together in the grocery shops! I do not like the Avocado green – their wasted nights.

If only I could play my ocarina!